Johnny Depp And Amber Heard Are Getting Divorced

Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp yesterday, because SPOILER ALERT: apparently the 22-year age difference just got to be too much. The official reason is “irreconcilable differences,” but considering that Amber is closer in age to Johnny’s daughter than to him, I’m calling bullshit.

For a brief history lesson: In 2012, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis separated after 14 years together. If you don’t already worship Vanessa, she’s a French model, pop star, and actress, so there was really no way that he could upgrade. Naturally, he needed a rebound girl. Cue Amber Heard, whose career is based on being the really hot, supporting-supporting actress in mediocre films. Kind of like Megan Fox, but blonde.

Well, they met on the set of a movie you’ve never seen, , yet again proving that Johnny Depp should only agree to be in movies that Tim Burton directs. They dated for approx three years and got married in 2015. So a big congrats to Johnny and Amber for passing the 72 day mark before filing for divorce at 15 months.

Obvi there are a ton of rumors about why they’re really getting divorced. IMO, a man who sticks by you during the absolute bullshit of a lawsuit against your dogs by a major world power is a man you keep. Like, how many men would hold your hand while the Australian government threatened to kill your dogs and then record an apology video with you? If the finance interns in New York are any clue, not many.

I just hope this means that Johnny Depp reunites with Leonardo DiCaprio, and they start a clique of middle-aged bachelors looking for models to party with.

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